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The amazing swimmer

February 24, 2016 - 100 word challenge

Once upon a time an amazing swimmer went to the pool. Randomly gas appeared and went everywhere. So she ran out the door of the swim center and she found a green fire truck, so she thought it was likely that the gas had ignited. She ran faster. She was scared. Then she found a ballet center and started ballet lessons. She loved them so much that she quit swimming and became an amazing ballerina. She was so good that she qualified for the state champions and she got first place! Her parents were impressed. She lived happily ever after.

2 thoughts on “The amazing swimmer

Sandra

I like the dramatic twists and happy ending!

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antsclass

Interesting Nick. You clearly have proof read this piece and there are no errors- well done. I like your use of specific vocabulary such as ‘impressed’ and ‘ignited’. I also really liked the way you built up the suspense with the simple sentences,”She ran faster. She was scared”. However, after this it went off in a completely different (and random) direction. With these sorts of prompts where you have 5 very different words the challenge is to create a piece that seems to be natural and important rather than just a random string of events-maybe give this a try next time. Oh, and I’d avoid ‘Once upon a time,’ and ‘happily ever after’ unless you are being very clever with it’s use-it’s a bit dull.
In future try to include a link to your nightzookeeper 100wc post in your blog post.
Keep up the great work!
Ant

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